Old School Americana & Nostalgia


‘The Golden Girls’: 11 Roasts Guaranteed to Make You Laugh

‘The Golden Girls’: 11 Roasts Guaranteed to Make You Laugh

With a theme as warm as Thank you for being a friend…, one might think the ’80s sitcom The Golden Girls is nothing but hugs, kindness, and laughter. And, well, that’s partially true. There’s no shortage of laughs between the four housemates – it’s just that, more often than not, the laughs are at each other’s expense. Like any strong friendship, however, the girls know even the most brutal barbs are thrown with love…most of the time, anyway. Though the series’ seven seasons are filled to the brim with hilarious roasts, the 11 below are some of the best The Golden Girls has to offer.

Blanche: “Do you know what I hate doing most after a party?”
Rose: “Trying to find your underwear in the big pile?”

Blanche: “This is strictly off the record but – Dirk’s nearly five years younger than I am.”

Dorothy: “In what Blanche? Dog years?”

Rose: “I’ve just been talking on the phone for a half hour, and guess what?”

Blanche: “You forgot to dial first?”

Stan: “I lost it, Dorothy!”

Dorothy: “You never had it, Stanley.”

Blanche: “Rose, what was your first impression of me?”

Rose: “I thought you wore too much makeup and were a slut. I was wrong, you don’t wear too much makeup!”

Blanche: “Well, frankly, I don’t know if I want another baby so soon.”

Dorothy: “I understand, Blanche. Wait a couple years and Medicare will pay for it.”

Sophia’s Best Roasts on ‘The Golden Girls’

Savage roasts flew in every direction in virtually every episode of The Golden Girls, it’s one of the best parts of the series. The queen of insults, however, was without a doubt Sophia. When it came to the eldest Golden Girl, no one was safe from a verbal lashing. Along with her old Sicilian wisdom, Sophia taught us that there’s no age limit on wit, which is why she deserves an entire section to herself.

Blanche: “I treat my body like a temple.”
Sophia: “Yeah, open to everyone, day or night.”

Stan: “I thought I felt my ears burning!”

Sophia: “Maybe that cheap toupee you’re wearing retains heat.”

Rose: “In Little Falls, the jeweler was Jewish… Jeweler, Jewish, I wonder if there’s a connection?”

Sophia: “I think there’s a connection between your brain and wallpaper paste!”

Rose: “St. Olaf’s town motto was ‘Better Ned than red.’ Ned was sort of the town idiot.”

Sophia: “When? On your days off?”

Sophia: “Strictly hypothetical. Let’s say a man wants to take you out on a date.”

Dorothy: “Why is that hypothetical?”

Sophia: “Check your calendar, pussycat.”

Dying to hear the Golden Girls deliver their best roasts themselves? You can stream all seven seasons of the show on Hulu!